Thursday, November 15, 2007
Today was a busy day. I had many things to get accomplished and of course only so much time. I left the house at 8:30 exactly to get to the very last Beth Moore Bible Study today. We've been studying her series on the Patriarchs and I am SOOOOO glad I made it especially this morning.
I have so much to say about it.
It was very emotional for me even.
The lesson and video described many things I feel in my heart. I haven't the time to even scratch the surface on what I felt inside.
Maybe another time?? We will see.
All I CAN tell you briefly is that "I am on a 'journey'" and I have known it...for about 5 years now...sometimes I have thought I was nutty.....but I had total confirmation AGAIN today that the track we are taking and me personally is on course.
That's a good thing.
Keeps me sane and on the "road" and pressing onward no matter what "bumps" come up.
So part of today's road was the Specialist. Which went well. Not the report I wanted but we are on the "journey" so I have to keep it all in perspective.
The Dr. was FABULOUS and very compassionate.
Can I tell you this.....you have got to TRUST the Dr. you are using.
If you don't get what your searching for and you don't feel confident and they are harsh and not compassionate....especially if your in a PAIN situation...and your looking for answers to things you don't understand.
Best find a new one.
I love our family Dr.
They are the nicest person on the planet ......but that one can only do so much for a person with my issues. I love my Naturopath Dr. too, but again....he's not here and in Texas and can only take me so far so I glean what I can and he's been a huge help.
But at this point. I had to go to a "Specialist" and it's a good thing I did.
Anyway let's not go there.
I will say that I REALLY, REALLY liked this Dr.
This was the first time I ever met him. He came highly recommended by a retired local Dr. that my friend Shawn knows and asked.
This was a VERY humble man and he was extremely kind.
I needed that sooooo badly at this point.
I was at a very LOW point when I entered that office door.
Because I've just about "had it" with all this the past two weeks.
I've nearly been at my wit's end.
Today I had a bit of a breakthrough and I KNEW I would. I knew it.
I prayed for that.
Again......it's not the report I wanted. But I have some direction. I will still do what I can "holistically" but that can only take my situation so far and I've done what I can and will continue to.
Now I have to go for the "Big Guns"...and will do what I have to do at this point.
I sort of want my "life" back to a degree. I've been so limited for the past two years. I'm not who I was.......but I am a new person really.
New and different life perspectives.
Especially when it comes to understanding people with pain. I can spot them. I have compassion like never before. I feel their hurt. It's different to speak it and "try" to feel it....it's another to be in that boat with them.
I've had MANY encounters this way now. Including some this week even.
Several in fact. Situations I didn't expect. Conversations I didn't ask for.
Moments that just came my way. Divine ones.
I understand this path I am on some days are harder to grasp understanding though. It's not a BLAST it's not super "exciting"....it's not "Cutting Edge" which is one of my favorite seasons....however...it's the season I'm in and I do embrace it.
I don't embrace the sickness though.
If you know what I am saying.
It's deep and I don't want to get into all that.
But I know I can be rid of this dread thing. There's already been a high price paid for that so I'd like to cash in on it.
I'm standing in row like an "Orpahan in a feeding line".....and trust me...my hands are out and I am wanting to receive something.
I won't come away empty either.
I have two weeks to make some decisions so I will be meditating on that big time on my trip.
The Dr. had to "inject" my right knee, the one that has caused me so much grief and sorrow the past few weeks. So we will see how this works. It's a tad freaky when they mention it but you figure..."hey I am going to get some relief." Besides...he "froze my leg" in the spot he injected. Ugh....I've had injections before just not in that tender of a spot. It's okay though.
Things could always be worse and I KNOW that.
Last night...I was somewhere and a young girl was looking for special card for her "friend." The friend was 18 and just diagnosed with Leukemia.It nearly broke my hear to hear it.
I don't ever want to forget how BLESSED I am.
Regardless of the road.
Besides..I'm taking the HIGH road so it's going to be okay no matter what.
Hey, does that mean I will get to Scotland too???